The Twelve Pains of Winter

Hello Everyone (and especially Katie),

Today's blog is a little early because a friend of mine decided to be impatient and request me to write RIGHT NOW!

Okay, so today I just started wearing my winter fleece coats and all of that jazz. This morning when I woke up, I made so much static electricity; I probably could have lit a light bulb with all of the static that I had to fight with in my hair this morning. It's to the point where I can HEAR the static...I don't approve.

So I've decided to write today's blog about the things in winter that just SUCK.

1. Static cling: morning, afternoon or evening static cling is always there rearing it's ugly stupid face. Your hair sticks to your face, you shock yourself on the metal appliances or door handles, and your clothes make sounds and sparks when you put on/take them off. It's DANGEROUS. Last year I saw a video of a woman wearing a cashmere sweater (a known harbor-er of static electricity) filling up her gas tank. When she went back to get in her car from the pump, her car and sweater exploded into a shower of sparks and fire! HOW IS THAT NOT TERRIFYING?! I never want to pump my own gas in the summer, let alone when there's the chance of me exploding!

2. Cold cars/steering wheel: I don't know about you all but my car interior is mostly pleather (which, for those who don't know is fake leather). Therefore, when I get in the car, whether it is summer or winter, the car is at the EXTREME ends of the temperature spectrum. More specifically, in the winter, my steering wheel and seats are so cold to the point of me being concerned that Jack Frost himself may pour out of them and possess me. I HAVE TO WEAR WINTER SKIING GLOVES TO DRIVE! That's ridiculous! I would like to know that I'm not alone in this pain. However, on the funny side of this conundrum: one morning I got in my car and my shirt (unbeknownst to me) was high up on my back and not being covered by my jacket. This means that my back went straight onto the un-heated tundra temperature surface of my seat and I FREAKED OUT! It was so cold! Now every time I get in my car I have to make sure all of my skin is covered.

3. Chapped lips/dry skin: THIS STUFF SUCKS! I don't have a lot to say about it because any normal human being (no offends if you're not normal; it's a joke that I'm trying to make here) has experienced both of these. I personally have to put lotion on two and three times a day, and Chapstick at least five times a day. That's just sad...but if I didn't I probably would be chapped beyond belief and rolling on the floor trying to scratch all the itches that present themselves on my skin. It's like winter is out to get you.

4. "Wintery mix": what the hell is this?! I see it all on the Weather Channel and I hate it. Decide on a level of precipitation you stupid clouds! Snow or rain?! Wintery mix just doesn't cut it anymore; especially when I have school riding on it.

I feel as if I'm getting a bit too rant-y so I'm going to stop here.

Until next time,
Lasagna Claus

P.S.- 45 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!